In the alternate universe that is motherhood, you are suddenly as visible as a Victoria's Secret billboard on the West Side Highway. Only, it's not you people notice, but your delightful offspring.
'How cute' they chortle in the supermarket line. 'Look at those eyes!' Yes ma'am, I do look at them often, thank you for pointing them out. 'Oh what a sweet boy!'
It's a girl, you absolute bonehead! Must I dress her in pink for the rest of her life for your benefit?
After all the compliments and tongue clicks, you must passively nod and listen to a combination of wistful memories and mommy tips. 'Two months? How I miss that age! I have teenagers' I smile demurely in false commiseration, as if I care, when all I want is for my baby to nap for more than 30 minutes so I can finally tackle that nasty rim in the bathtub. (Read more)
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